Trying to help Rob Ford

Like all Conservatives in the country I am quietly suffering through the ongoing train wreck in Toronto.  In the interest of easing the process for Rob, I propose the following solution: from now on when making your weekly apology, simply refer to the reason(s) by number.  This will speed the process for you and help the media keep track of why you are apologising.

1. I was high on crack cocaine
2. I was drunk
3. I was high on crack cocaine and drunk
4. She was in the way
5. My brother Doug was:
   1. Under attack
   2. Away from home
   3. At home
   4. Drunk
6. We saved the city:
   1. $10,000,000
   2. $10,000,000,000
   3. $10
7. I was in the gym
8. I was in the Dunkin’ Donuts
9. My wife said it was OK

By the way, I still think he’ll get re-elected next fall.